Be the Cause

Keep your head down

Keep your head down. Keep your focus, you got a job to do. 10 hours a day. Refilling your empty life with even more emptiness. Moving data from one application to another… meaningful. Improving business processes or better yet, creating shareholder wealth. huh. Your life is dedicated to helping those that least need it. Contributing to a society where the rich continue to wallow in their own filth and misery, and continue to distance themselves from the rest of humanity. The shareholders, embarrassed by the beggars that reach out for survival. Fellow human beings, separated by greed.

I know I depress you, I’m sorry. Go back to work, keep your blinders on. Me, I’d rather be dead than turn my head away.

Your silence says it all. Your conformity to the system changes tomorrow into today. I know, its too big a step for one man to make. Your efforts can change nothing. Stay effortless.

After all, how much difference can one man make?

You get by, by calling yourself a realist. I have no respect for your kind. No respect for people who say that things can’t change, that we need war, that the nice guys finish last, that money is what makes the world work, that the world can’t change. But I’m John Lennon. Imagine, for even a moment. Imagine a world where everyone was an idealist. Imagine if all of us did pray together. If all 6 Billion of us came together with common goals in mind. Can you imagine the possibilities? It wouldn’t be the same world we live in. Only love would matter.

I am a realist… just not pessimistic. Maybe tomorrow, you will make a difference.

— Chughzy

The air up there

(ammended on January 11, 2002)

I’m at the top of Upper Yosemite Falls. Jump. Staring down at the earth 4,000 feet below. Jump. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. Jump. “Do you ever think about Jumping?,” says the other voice in my head. All the time. Jump.

Head first into a pool of chilling air with the wind whipping against your face. The air, so free, so forceful, that you can’t breathe it in. Nothing but air, but you can’t get any in… and you know, in 15 seconds, it will be all over.

The sleepless nights, the loneliness, the depression that slowly inks its way into your soul, the masturbation, the television, the wasted hours at work, the war, the animals, the unread books, the smell of your furniture, the history lessons, the mountains, the ocean, your allergies, your education, your parents, the human race, the planet earth, life, God, evil, truth, your memories. All gone, in 15 seconds. Everything ceases to exist.

Sometimes I can’t take it. When I drive, thinking about running my car into something solid… not to end my own existence but to end yours. My life is fine, the education, the career, the toys, the women, the experiences, the morals, the kindness. I just don’t know about you.. and the rest of the world, what a wasteful condition it is in. So much so, that I choose to end its existence. The misery, the poverty, the rape, the nuclear weapons, the prison system, the animal testing, the schizophrenia, the homeless, the depression that causes suicide. I’m sick of it… and every time I am at this height I feel like I am one step closer to changing it all, to ending it all. Not to end my own life but to end yours.


4,000 feet later I continue to live to change this world that you have created, in the meantime I will continue to be miserable in this world, that you have created.

The Air Out EastJanuary 11, 2002

As I sit here in a three wheeler scooter taxi in New Delhi, India, I finally realize that things can change.

Most people talk about how sad everything is, how unfortunate it is that there is world hunger and poverty. But I know, that they say this to achieve the affections of their audiences, to be labeled as a crusader for change. And, as they return to their nice cars and nice houses, I hope they find peace in everything they do.

Me, I’m choosing to say little of everything that surrounds me and the depression it brings. I’m choosing to change what truly saddens me.

A man is not measured by his convictions but rather by his deeds.

Things can change. In my mind it finally makes simple sense. If the world was truly messed up beyond repair, God would have ceased its existence. He would have sent us back to the dinosaurs to recreate his creation with his next vision. But we live, in this definition of hypocrisy, misery, and corruption. So we must have a chance. It will be the most difficult task that has existed since time. But now I realize that it can be done. Reason to live.

— Chughzy

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