Meeting 2 young ladies during “Lights On”
I volunteer with Lights On because I get to meet people that I normally don’t get to meet in my boring life which is based on pushing buttons all day (like George Jetson) and spending time with my family.
People say I’ve evolved in my life because none of the friends I currently have don’t have drug addictions, haven’t been to jail, don’t lose control when dealing with lust, anger, etc. I do have a few friends that live on the street, but lately I’m not sure how much we contribute to each other’s lives.
Life is kind of boring (I’m not being facetious or just trying to be funny). My favorite experience in life is meeting people that are very different from me. So, I go trying to find situations where my horizons maybe broadened, ie, find something that will stimulate me to think.
I’ll just tell you about these 2 young ladies that I met from 1am – 4am Sunday Morning. I’ll need your advice because I didn’t tell them what I think I should have. We met more people that day, but I’ll only write about these 2.
Right as we were about to close down the RV at 4am, a bus from The Irvine Farm pulled up. There was an a black man and a very skinny young woman that came out. The lady looked like she was wearing a space suit. The jail had “lost” her clothes, laptop and her cell phone. She had come down to party with her friend in Anahiem. She lived in Sacromento! She was 19! (People that our tax dollars employ, decided it was ok for a 19 year old woman to be released at 4am in the morning in a paper suit). We gave her some pants, the use our our cell phones, some soda, and just had the oppurtunity to show some concern. What would she do if we weren’t there? I guess she could have called her mom collect from inside the intake/release area, but that wasn’t so simple. From some of the people she talked to on the phone, I inferred what she was arrested for. She told me, “I was surprised my mom bailed me out. I didn’t want to miss my (high school) graduation.” Her friend, who she was arrested with, was bailed out sometime before her and she wasn’t sure if she was still in town. She told me that if her Cadillac Escalade had been towed, she was going just say “f*ck it” and take the train back to Sac-town. I knew what I wanted to say to her. Actually, I was going to ask a question like “at your young age, do you think you are going a little too fast?” But the moment never came where the words came out of my mouth. When I volunteer at Lights On, I tell myself to concentrate on not being judgmental. I admit, that I do make some gut judgements, but I try my best not to show it. So, in that uncertainity I didn’t say anything. After she called and found out that the hotel she stayed at didn’t tow her truck. So she called a friend got some money wired, got in a cab and left. I just asked her if her truck was ok and told her not to drive if she felt sleepy at all. I was so worried about her that I didn’t pay attention to the other guy all that much. I hope he didn’t think it was because he was an older black man and she was a little white girl.
Earlier in the early morning around 1am or so, we met another young lady about the same age. Her name was Joy. She was really joy. She was really happy to be out after a couple weeks. She was a waitress and she had a DUI. She turned herself in and did the jail time because she couldn’t afford the fine. While getting a physical to see if she could spend her time at the Irvine Farm, she found out she was pregnant. She said she cried the first night. She was alone and I understand how much it must have sucked to be alone in jail and finding that out. She said the next day she felt really happy. She loved her boyfreind and his family took care of her well. She couldn’t wait to get out and tell him. She said she was shipped back and forth because she was a “medical liabilty” at the farm. She said there was a dorm full of pregnant women at the main Santa Ana jail. She said she didn’t talk to the other women because, “there was too much drama” that she didn’t want to think about. She said there were some stories that made her really sad and glad that she wasn’t in that situation. I was glad to know that she actually did talk or at least listen to some other ladies going through what she went through. We told her not to tell her boyfriend over the phone. But, she was too excited and ended up telling him. He jumped in his sporty little car and drove from the Colton area. While we waited Joy said her mom had died while she was young and she wasn’t very close to her dad. She felt blessed by the way her boyfriend’s family cared about her. She also thought how telling her dad might bring them to talk better again. I had the thought to tell her to not be afraid to tell him, but to expect a “protective” response from her dad because another young lady that got pregnant that I knew at 20 was told by her dad “how could you do such a thing? are you stupid, to get pregnant at this age?…” I bit my lip on that because I didn’t think it was my place to bring that expectation on her dad. I wanted to say it, just to tell her that if anything like that comes out from the estranged relationship they had, to not let it bug her. It’s just a stupid gut reaction. But I bit my lip, because I wan’t sure how to say all that at the time. She got a chance to talk to Sonali about her son. We told her to make sure she finds a good doctor. Not to be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be drinking. Read all the pamphlets she can get her hands on. She was beaming with excitement. That was good to see. My sister was like that about 2 years ago. After her boyfriend drove up, I had the notion to congradulate him on being a dad, and wanted to say something to the affect of Seagram Miller’s words, “I doesn’t take a man to make a baby but it takes a man to guide a baby in the right direction… to help keep her/him menaty strong when the bad times comes along.” But I didn’t get a chance to, because after I shook his hand, Joy jumped on him and you should have seen the kiss. They must have been mouth locked for a good few minutes, and out of embarrassment I walked away. I’ve never kissed anyone like that. It was amazing. Joy was 20 years old, her man was younger. They were 2 youngsters not sure how they would go about raising a kid or even if they could afford it, but they were happy and drove off kissing.
We all went back home to our families and jobs where we push buttons and came back again to “Lights On” the next weekend.
Going back to my statement about meeting people different from me. I don’t think I met anyone all that much different from me. Just learned how some react in situations that I’ve never known.
i’m glad i met you, supun
I feel, Supun…you really listened to your intuition. It’s easy to say something to someone…with the kids I work with…so many times, I wanna say “what are you thinking?”, but attention, acceptance,faith in them, understanding seems to be the best path to take I’ve noticed…sometimes they do need to hear some wise ponderings, but I feel you truly listened with your heart, not your mind…u stopped yourself from saying what people normally say and witnessed a very special scene that maybe u wouldn’t have seen clearly if the judgements were up.