Be the Cause

The air up there

(ammended on January 11, 2002)

I’m at the top of Upper Yosemite Falls. Jump. Staring down at the earth 4,000 feet below. Jump. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. Jump. “Do you ever think about Jumping?,” says the other voice in my head. All the time. Jump.

Head first into a pool of chilling air with the wind whipping against your face. The air, so free, so forceful, that you can’t breathe it in. Nothing but air, but you can’t get any in… and you know, in 15 seconds, it will be all over.

The sleepless nights, the loneliness, the depression that slowly inks its way into your soul, the masturbation, the television, the wasted hours at work, the war, the animals, the unread books, the smell of your furniture, the history lessons, the mountains, the ocean, your allergies, your education, your parents, the human race, the planet earth, life, God, evil, truth, your memories. All gone, in 15 seconds. Everything ceases to exist.

Sometimes I can’t take it. When I drive, thinking about running my car into something solid… not to end my own existence but to end yours. My life is fine, the education, the career, the toys, the women, the experiences, the morals, the kindness. I just don’t know about you.. and the rest of the world, what a wasteful condition it is in. So much so, that I choose to end its existence. The misery, the poverty, the rape, the nuclear weapons, the prison system, the animal testing, the schizophrenia, the homeless, the depression that causes suicide. I’m sick of it… and every time I am at this height I feel like I am one step closer to changing it all, to ending it all. Not to end my own life but to end yours.


4,000 feet later I continue to live to change this world that you have created, in the meantime I will continue to be miserable in this world, that you have created.

The Air Out EastJanuary 11, 2002

As I sit here in a three wheeler scooter taxi in New Delhi, India, I finally realize that things can change.

Most people talk about how sad everything is, how unfortunate it is that there is world hunger and poverty. But I know, that they say this to achieve the affections of their audiences, to be labeled as a crusader for change. And, as they return to their nice cars and nice houses, I hope they find peace in everything they do.

Me, I’m choosing to say little of everything that surrounds me and the depression it brings. I’m choosing to change what truly saddens me.

A man is not measured by his convictions but rather by his deeds.

Things can change. In my mind it finally makes simple sense. If the world was truly messed up beyond repair, God would have ceased its existence. He would have sent us back to the dinosaurs to recreate his creation with his next vision. But we live, in this definition of hypocrisy, misery, and corruption. So we must have a chance. It will be the most difficult task that has existed since time. But now I realize that it can be done. Reason to live.

— Chughzy

Dearest Jesus, Mohammad and Nanak

Dearest Jesus, Peace and blessing upon you.

I am so sorry for everything. If there is anyone who is owed an apology, it is you. I am so sorry we have taken everything that you lived and died for and construed it to create more harm and havoc. I know you must cry every time you look back at what you left behind. We have destroyed everything that you tried to build. I am so sorry, but your life has been short of inspirational.

Dear Jesus, you died for our sins, but I’m sorry, your death was in vain. You tried to teach people to be kind to one another, to treat each neighbor like you yourself would like to be treated. The other day I heard about a priest treating a nun to a neighborly sexual abduction. Why have you died Jesus? We are still ridden with sin. People still break all the rules, we still kill others, we still lie, we still cheat, we are still jealous of others, we still hate, we are still angry. Jesus, we need you once again. Jesus, we need you to die once again.

Dearest Mohammad, peace and blessing upon you.

I am so sorry for everything. If there is anyone who is owed an apology it is you. You tried to change the world, change everyone you met, you spread the message of peace and love. I’m sorry. Your life too has been reduced to a symbol of havoc. The Holy Qur’an is now commercialized in America as a symbol of terrorism. Your life is exampled, your words are quoted, your beauty is tainted as people who profess to follow your leadership take up arms against innocent civilians. Girls are killed because they are passionate about the freedoms they will never discover. Men are shot as they accidentally break curfews to bring food for families late into the night. Mohammad, we have failed to be the peaceful people you tried to lead. Mohammad, we are not Muslims.

Dearest Guru Nanak Dev Ji, peace and blessing upon you,

I am so sorry for everything. If there is anyone who is owed an apology it is you. We have destroyed everything you stood for. We have made a mockery of your life. Reading about your basic principles in life makes me shake my head to it all. Your teachings of equality, your concepts of oneness… where are they now? Where is the equality? You denounced all forms of inequality, the caste system, the gender biases, the social classes, the concept of oneness… where is it now Guru Nanak? We have created more inequality than existed in your time, we have Jatts, Bhappas, Khatris, who refuse to let their offspring marry into the other’s caste. Your followers have built the exact caste system you spent your life destroying. What did your life amount to? We have Khalsas, and Singhs, and Cuttsardhs, we have the rich and the poor, we have Sikhs, Muslims, Hindus, Christians… all hating each other because of their different backgrounds, their different upbringing, their different predecessors. Guru Nanak, I am so sorry, but your life too is short of inspirational.

Dearest Jesus, Come Back. Mohammad, Nanak, Moses, come back, we need you now more than ever. Why, Why exist in a time when all is in flux, when people are easily persuaded, when it is easier to show people the light because of all the darkness that exists?

Why do it at all? Why Jesus, only ensure that your message spreads to the Christians. And Moses, why, I thought all of humankind was chosen, why is that only Jews have rights to your wonderful teachings. Why Nanak, are your teachings of oneness only recited on the lips of a few million called Sikhs? Mohammad, I don’t understand, your teachings, your way of living, why is it only understood by the select few who follow your Sunna. Why do your deeds and words not transcend human built boundaries? Why did your messages not reach all corners of the globe?

Why? God, why do such a thing? Why send different messengers to different parts of your creation at different times. They all advertise the same message.. but your followers are ethnocentric. Did you not know what a despicable creation you had molded? Why God, instead of creating a humanity, have you created sub teams, each with their own agenda? Each member of Team A believing that their Team and its leader is the chosen one. Each member of Team A believing that its better than Team B. All is one, but why the separate Teams? Greater brotherhood and bonding… but only between members; no compassion or understanding for the outsiders?

I guess you knew what you were doing. Testing us all along to see if we really understood your messages. Each religion recites it, regurgitates it, drums up cheers for it but never really practices it. God is one, all is one… written in every book. Yet we continue to kill our brothers. Not all is one, Americans and Afghans, Muslims and Jews, the rich and the poor. Far from one.

Do it now, send us back into extinction as you did with the dinosaurs. Bring out another breed, a more intelligent breed, a more compassionate breed. You are still a step away from your ultimate creation.

Jesus, Mohammad, Nanak, Moses.. thank you for your valiant efforts… but we need you now, when people have convinced themselves that they understand your teachings, when people are convinced that they know what life is all about. Come back and teach us now. Save us now.

— Chughzy

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