“Find the seed at the bottom of your heart and bring forth a flower.” -Shigenori Kameoka

Today I hugged my mother.  Hugs are not a rare occurrence for me, but today’s hug was different (and not because society defined it so)…

Mainstream America decided that today I am supposed to love my mother more than every other day of the year.  By society’s standards, this very Sunday I should channel all my thoughts and love toward my mother…but ironically, today I am only thinking of me.  It was a day of the inescapable self, when I was solely consumed by my own worries.  Today was one of those days where no matter how much I tried to fight it, my ego overcame my entire being.    It was a day of disconnect, and this only further perpetuated my frustration with myself.

So I decided to stop fighting.  I stopped actively trying to forget about myself and how I should be concentrating on my mother, and simply fell into her arms.  Instead of bringing her love and appreciation, I brought her my unspoken worries, my failures, my self-inflicted miseries (however minute they were in reality) and she embraced them.  She embraced me.  I am nearly twenty years old, and I discovered today that my mother’s arms still have the power to melt away my troubles.

This is the beauty of motherhood: the very purest selfless and unconditional love.  I remembered today that in order to learn to love we must first be loved.

Sometimes I’m asked about my first experience with service and if it was something that my family ingrained in me.  My first instinct is to say no:  I wasn’t born into a family that spent their Sunday afternoons in soup kitchens.  But today, my answer is yes.  My first exposure to love was born in my mother’s eyes, and my first exposure to compassion was born in her arms.

So thank you to every mother for planting that very first seed of love in our lives.  For every flower that blooms compassion, I dedicate that blossom to you.  Happy Mothers’ Day.

A few weeks ago folks from Be the Cause, South Asian Network, SAHARA, and Center for the Pacific Asian Family collaborated on facilitating a discussion on alternative ways of communicating with one another based on compassion and understanding, also known as nonviolent communication.

We were given this opportunity to dialogue among those who already practice giving of themselves, in a space where spiritual growth and understanding are nurtured. We were blessed to have been received with warmth & open-mindedness.

The workshop consisted of three groups, children, youth, and adults. The children created beautiful, colorful paintings after a discussion about managing our feelings in a healthy way. The kids were able to talk about anger, a natural feeling that can lead to unhealthy ways of coping, and what they choose to do instead to express themselves in healthier ways. The youth group consisted mostly of boys, with one girl. Again, the topic of anger was discussed, and how we see portrayals of anger management in the media and sports. The adult workshop varied in that we talked a lot about parenting, particularly respecting children’s individual identities, as well as interacting with co-workers and spouses in ways where everyone’s needs get met.

Nonviolent communication takes into consideration that we all come from a place of wanting to be heard and understood. Towards these efforts, we try to understand one another’s feelings and needs. When we begin to change our thinking and realize that every single one of us sets out everyday to fulfill a basic human need, we also change the way we view one another, and can begin to relate to each other on another level.

For me, this philosophy has been transforming. It definitely has been a work in progress. To know that we can communicate with one another through compassion, without judgement, has been a freeing experience. To incorporate these ideas and practice them has been challenging. Unfortunately, we are not raised to relate to one other with patience, spending more time than necessary in speaking with another to truly understand. However, this framework allows us a chance to connect in ways that most of us haven’t yet.

To learn more about nonviolent communication check out Marshall Rosenberg’s website at www.cnvc.org.

I just came across this article in ODE magazine and I felt like it could have been written specifically for me. I was so inspired by it. I decided to make copies and mail them to everyone I know, but then I realized I don’t have addresses for some of the most important people in my life, but all my best friends look at the BTC blog. So here it is. I hope it speaks to you the same way it spoke to me.

1. The path begins at a crossroads. There you can stop and think what direction you want to take. But don’t spend too much time thinking or you’ll never leave the spot. Ask yourself the classic Carlos Castaneda question: Which of these paths has a heart? Reflect a lot on the choices that lie ahead, but once you’ve taken the first step, forget the crossroads forever or you’ll always torture yourself with the useless question, “Did I take the right path?” If you listened to your heart before the first movement, you chose the right path.

2. The path doesn’t last forever. It’s a blessing to travel the path for some time, but one day it will come to an end, so be prepared to take leave of it at any moment. However enraptured you may be at certain landscapes, or scared when you have to make a great effort to keep moving forward, don’t get too used to anything-neither the hours of euphoria nor the endless days when everything seems so difficult and progress is so slow. Don’t forget that sooner or later an angel will appear and your journey will arrive at an end.

3. Honor your path. It was your choice, your decision, and just as you respect the ground you step on, that ground will respect your feet. Always do what’s best to conserve and keep your path and it will do the same for you.

4. Be well-equipped. Carry a small rake, a spade, a penknife. Understand that penknives are no use for dry leaves, and rakes are useless for herbs that are deep-rooted. Know what tool to use at each moment. And take care of your tools, because they’re your best allies.

5. The path goes forward and backward. At times you have to go back because something was lost, or a message to be delivered was forgotten in your pocket. A well tended path enables you to go back without any great problem.

6. Take care of the path before you take care of what’s around you. Attention and concentration are fundamental. Don’t be distracted by the dry leaves at the edges. Use your energy to tend and conserve the ground that accepts your steps.

7. Be patient. Sometimes the same tasks have to be repeated, like tearing up weeds or closing holes that appear after unexpected rain. Don’t let that annoy you; it’s part of the journey. Even though you’re tired, even though certain tasks are repeated so often, be patient.

8. Paths cross. People can tell you what the weather is like elsewhere. Listen to advice, but make your own decisions. You’re responsible for the path entrusted to you.

9. Nature follows its own rules. You have to be prepared for sudden changes in the fall, slippery ice in winter, the temptations of flowers in spring, thirst and showers in the summer. Make the most of each of these seasons, and don’t complain about their characteristics.

10. Make your path a mirror of yourself. By no means let yourself be influenced by the way others care for their paths. You have your own soul to listen to, and the birds to whisper translations of what your soul is saying. Let your stories be beautiful and pleasant for everything around you to hear. Above all, let the stories your soul tells during the journey be echoed along each and every second of the path.

11. Love your path. Without this, nothing makes any sense.

We were at the Corner Bakery in February and hiker mama, Bharti asked a few of us about the possibility of going to Joshua Tree for the weekend. And that’s how it all started…

After some email discussions with Bharti and Thoi, things started to come together!

Last Saturday, Aprill 19th in the year 2008, we all gathered to see/experience the great outdoors! 17 of us went!

Was this to be a service trip? Not really. An evening of awareness? Not so much.

I would call it a communing with nature adventure! Joshua Tree is so very beautifu! I can see why U2 created an album of the very same name.

Everything seemed to work really well. A few of us wimped out on staying overnight. I thought I had so many things to do the next day…I really could have stayed over after all but it was cold and windy! 8 peeps braved the cold and even did a moonlight hike. They really enjoyed!

5 of us day trippers were able to go to Quizno’s on the way in…and we met a guy who worked there…I think the owner…and guess what his name was? Sukh! Sukh and Sukh took a picture together and we made another friend and passed on some Smile cards!

We got to see Mikeee…one of my fave service vacation travellers. We missed him much and it was awesome to see him again. He brought drums!

We stopped at the Joshua Tree Visitor Center and got the 411 *info on all the hikes to take. We thought we could possibly do 2 or 3. Alas, one was enough! 4.8 mile/somewhat strenuous hike was fine by me! We went on a hike called, “The Oasis.” And that it was! We hiked and saw all the crumbly, intricate rocks that make Joshua Tree famous and then all of a sudden, we happened upon cool, shaded rocks and palm trees! But no pools of water (all dried up) as stated in pamphlet.

I really enjoyed hiking with everyone. I stopped to take pics with my disposable camera. I lost my digital one in Sri Lanka :-( But the disposable pics came out quite nice as Madhavi stated.

The day turned to dusk. And we helped the campers put their tents up. Raquel drove in after a Social Justice Summit at CSUF. It was so great to see her and her friends.

Sukh led a discussion around campfire about how nature impacts us. It was so nice to hear everyone’s viewpoints. A common theme was a love for the stars, the feeling we get when we are surrounded by the outdoors and how insignificant we all are in the gigantic universe…what this meant inside my heart….was how being in nature can drown out all the hecticness of city life and can really bring such inner peace, community, connection…

And then came the drumming!! And it was a full moon!

I drove back with Bharti, Sukh, Sonali, and Ruth and was ever so grateful….for this perfect getaway :)

Below are some powerful statistics (collected by Sonali) that gave us something to think about throughout the Change of Heart Weekend.

* We have the means! The financial costs to end hunger are relatively slight. The UN Development Program estimates that the basic health and nutrition needs of the world’s poorest people could be met for an additional $13 billion a year. Animal lovers in the United States and Europe spend more than that on pet food each year. Bread for the World, 2008

* The poorest and most marginalized groups in the world are small-holder farmers and rural landless people in the developing world; they make up three quarters of the undernourished or hungry people in the world.
Bread For The World, 2008

* If all the food produced worldwide were distributed equally, every person, man, woman, and child, would be able to consume enough calories per day that no one would have to go hungry. “Imagine,” as John Lennon said. But of course, food is not distributed equally; it’s hardly even close. Bread For The World, 2008

* In 2006, about 10 million children died before they reached their fifth birthday. Almost all of these deaths occurred in developing countries – 3/4 of them in sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia, the two regions that also suffer from the highest rates of hunger. Most of these deaths are attributed, not to outright starvation, but to diseases that move in on vulnerable children whose bodies have been weakened by hunger.
Bread For The World, 2008

* 4 percent of U.S. households experience hunger. Some people in these households frequently skip meals or eat too little, sometimes going without food for a whole day. 11.1 million people, including 430 thousand children, live in these homes. Bread For The World

* In 2007, an average of 26.5 million people used food stamps each month. Bread For The World, 2008

* 1 = 10. For every minute that you eat, ten children die of hunger and malnutrition.

* More than 800 million people go to bed hungry every day. Of these, only 8 per cent are victims of famine or other emergency situations. More than 90 per cent are suffering long-term malnourishment and micronutrient deficiency. UN Millennium Project. www.unmillenniumproject.org

* More than 2.6 billion people – over 40 per cent of the world’s population – do not have basic sanitation, and more than one billion people still use unsafe sources of drinking water. UN Millennium Project, 2008

* Every year, six million children die from malnutrition before their fifth birthday. UN Millennium Project, 2008

* Today, the silent killers of poverty, hunger and easily preventable diseases, claimed the lives of some 26,500 children in the world.

That is equivalent to:

• 1 child dying every 3 seconds
• 18 children dying every minute
• A 2004 Asian Tsunami occurring every week
• An Iraq-scale death toll every 15–36 days
• Almost 10 million children dying every year Some 60 million children dying between 2000 and 2006

In spite of the scale of this daily/ongoing catastrophe, it rarely manages to achieve, much less sustain, prime-time, headline coverage. Globalissues.org

* To satisfy all the world’s sanitation and food requirements would cost only $13 billion, hardly as much as the people of the United States and the European Union spend each year on perfume. Ignacio Ramonet, “The Politics of Hunger.”

* Around 27-28 percent of all children in developing countries are estimated to be underweight or stunted. The two regions that account for the bulk of the deficit are South Asia and sub-Saharan Africa.
If current trends continue, the Millennium Development Goals target of halving the proportion of underweight children will be missed by 30 million children, largely because of slow progress in Southern Asia and sub-Saharan Africa. United Nations, Human Development Report, 2008.

* In the U.S., 40-50% of all food ready for harvest never gets eaten; the impact of this waste is not just financial. Environmentally this leads to:

• Wasteful use of chemicals such as fertilizers and pesticides
• More fuel used for transportation;
• More rotting food, creating more methane — one of the most harmful greenhouse gases that contributes to climate change.
“Costing the Earth,” BBC Radio, 2007

* 26,500-30,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.” UNICEF, 2006

* Worldwide, almost two in three people lacking access to clean water survive on less than $2 a day, with one in three living on less than $1 a day. United Nations Development Report, 2006

* Approximately 790 million people in the developing world are still chronically undernourished, almost two-thirds of whom reside in Asia and the Pacific. World Resources Institute, 2004

* About 25,000 people die every day of hunger or hunger-related causes. This is one person every three and a half seconds. United Nations, 2007

I had a wonderful time at Change of Heart Weekend, even though I didn’t get to experience all of it. I thought i’d share something interesting that happened to me the day after the event. I was working out at the gym and one of the personal trainers was trying to convince me to sign up for personal training. I was telling him about how i’d love the extra help to meet my goals, but that I would just be unable to sign up for it at this time because I cannot afford it at the moment. He kept telling me that if I really want something I will do anything for it, and that I will find a way to pay for a trainer if I really want to get fit.

Anyway, I didn’t think anything of this conversation until I got home. If the Espinozas (the couple that my partner and I role played as) really wanted to eat a proper meal,wouldn’t Tony just deal with his back pain and get to work? I realized its connection to Saturday’s food bank activity. What I found was that when we are unable to afford anything beyond the basics, or even the basics, others tend to assume that there is something inherently wrong with you, that you may be lazy for example. I jokingly accused Tony, my husband in the activity of being lazy, but it actually became real on Sunday. It is so easy for others to blame you rather than your circumstances. My experience cannot be compared to someone who cannot even afford to buy a meal, but it was a great lesson which I would not have even comprehended if it weren’t for Saturday’s activity.

When looking at poverty, we often fail to look at the system. For example, Maria Espinoza made $1,540 a month with $4 a day for both Tony and her to spend on food. In addition, Tony was suffering from a back injury, so he was unable to work. In spite of all of this, they were rejected for food stamps! Perhaps real solutions can be reached once it is realized that we are trying our best, and that it is not necessarily we as individuals who have failed, but rather, there are external forces sometimes beyond our control that have failed us.

Just something to think about…

I’d like to end this by thanking all of the wonderful speakers and participants who created such life-impacting dialogue.

:) Sana Saeed

Pictures from the Change of Heart

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I have always loved Change of Heart weekend, but this year, it felt so much more personal for me. Maybe because it seems that everyone of us came to the event with the desire to become better people ourselves instead of just looking for new volunteer opportunities or creating an awareness experience for other people, so that desire manifested itself into the honesty and humility that was undeniable, even at moments when we were joking around or making small talk. You all inspire me in different ways to be a more compassionate person and I’m very grateful to have you all in my life. Thank you all. Much love, Michele J

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Dear Friends,

How can I ever thank you for this weekend. As always I come away from this feeling inspired, and deeply moved by the experience. I hold deep in my heart the kind words, the big hugs, the challenging presentations, the hunger banquet, the making of the hygiene kits, the journals, the sharing and mostly the silence that allowed me to look inside myself.

I loved watching each of you full of mindfulness go about this weekend. I treasured the quotes which made me more aware of the everyday reality of hunger, poverty, and homelessness. I loved the yoga, the meditation, the wrap up, Michele’s meal, and the honesty that existed.

When we went to First Congregational I was so aware of the way I view my brothers and sisters on the street. I know that I need to listen more, and to accept where some choose to be.

I am tired now but aware and present to this moment. Thank you for the opportunity you gave myself and Monica. You guys rock.

Namaste, Ann

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Ever since some of us met on 3/21 at Sukh’s to participate in a hunger banquet, I can’t seem to get that evening off my mind. I can’t shake free from it…

It’s a mystery why…but in some ways it’s very clear…

I want to say that the U.S. is greedy. That we have more food than we know what to do with…but I just went to Change of Heart weekend this last Saturday. And I know this also happens in the U.S—this unfairness and inequality of jobs, housing, food.

I’m thinking to myself lately…how it would really look to share 20 times more than we do as a nation…what would life look like then?

How is it that there are some people with enormously big dinners every night and some others who only have chili out of a can or leftovers from the trash to dine on? How can this be!?
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Hunger Banquet on 3/21/08 at the new garage:

It went something like this…Raju spoke to us about how Jaghat Bhai at Manav Sadhna had a hunger banquet evening for volunteers and how inspiring that evening was…we got to experience this at Sukh Bhai’s residence.

It’s funny how it worked out. Some who were hungry before getting to this event had nothing on their plates. Some who were already full from a prior meal had steaming hot plates full of yummy Indian food.

I had eaten before and my plate was spilling over. The beauty of the food placed on the plate was so artistic and gorgeous…I almost couldn’t put my fork into it. The aroma of the food was intensely scrumptious and I’m sure wafted to my neighbors noses…

It was so natural for me to want to share. I looked to my left and my neighbors with no food on their plates had their eyes closed and were meditating…I couldn’t get their attention! Kristeen, to my right had a few pieces of Roti..I saw this bread being cooked…so much from the heart!! I craved that Roti because it was simple, and uncomplicated…

Our lives have become so complicated…this overwhelming amount of food and store and housing options.

Can’t we all just sit down together and share our food, our clothes, our houses? I’d much rather have dinner with a community sharing…than being by myself with a big plate of food…that could possibly go to waste.

I made sure to eat my big plate of food…except for a few leaves from my salad.

This was the most torturous meal I’ve had…because I couldn’t share. I go with friends, family to dinner or lunch and all the time…I ask if they’d like to try a bite or more of what I’m eating. Mostly, I only share a bite or two with them…because they have their own plates full of food.
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I’m suddenly remembering being in New Delhi, India on Jayesh Bhai’s birthday…We had just gotten back from Agra…to visit the Taj Mahal and other famous structures. Sukh suggested that we buy some Samosas and give them to some homeless brothers and sisters at the train station. I’ll never get over that feeling…of giving. The samosas ran out and a few of us had crackers, and cookies that we also gave…to these sleeping souls woken up by us btcers. India in December is cold!!! And these ones were lying outside under a roof with no doors or windows to close. I’m glad we were able to give Jayesh Bhai the gift of giving…and I got to talk on the phone and wish Jayesh Bhai a happy birthday! We had left Manav Sadhna (a phenomenal orphanage in Ahmedabad right near the Gandhi Ashram). I was missing Manav Sadhna volunteers and the children sooooo much…but this was a sampling of connecting…how ever far away one is…you can never be separated if love was created.

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”-Buddha (my buddy).

When love fails.

She was young. About 20 years old. A face so beautiful it could make you cry, it made me cry. But it was more than her looks, it was the way she carried herself, the way she smiled, the way she walked and the way she carried the cigarette on her lips. Everything about her said that ‘everything was okay’, that even as threatening men loomed over her, still ‘life was good’.

She was sitting there, outside the outtake building of the Santa Ana jail. How could something so beautiful come from such an un-beautiful place. Just seeing her brought out happiness in me, I had to know her story. I asked her how long she had been inside, she said ‘one week’. I asked her why she had been inside, without hesitation she said ‘prostitution’.

That feeling, when you know you haven’t been punched in the stomach, but almost wished you had, slips over me. The brief moment of extrovertedness falls off of me. I stood there speechless, and all of a sudden she became my sister. Hiding my emotion I slowly re-engage in conversation. She tells me of hotel rooms and craigs list web postings. In that moment I could give her anything she asks for, all she needs is my cell phone to make a call.

She needs cigarettes and wants to avoid the mix of “do-gooders” and “evil-doers” by the ‘Lights On‘ RV. I boyishly ask if its okay to walk with her towards the 7-11. She lets me.

She walks fast, too fast. I have so much to say but time isn’t on my side. Eventually the 7-11 will meet us, it will get in our way. Eventually this night will end. Eventually she will go back to where she came from, and I too will return.

I ask how it all began. I fell in love, she says. Proud of the sacrifices she has made for love, as if the sacrifice makes her in some way pure. The sadness in her eyes isn’t from the life she’s lived, but from the fact that she won’t see her lover for the next 3 months. It is a look of longing.

For the next 3 months he’ll be in jail. Society calls him by other names, but right now he is only “love”. She’s sad, that when the police found her in the hotel room, she wasn’t able to convince them that the man lurking outside wasn’t her ‘manager’. She’s sad, that he has to spend 3 months in jail, and that she has to spend 3 months without him. Love.

She says that people don’t understand. That love can make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. People on countless occasions have interjected that he doesn’t love her because he asks her to sleep with other men. Yet, she continues to have faith.

I also try to interject as much as I can in the short time I have. Speedily we walk, speedily I talk. Usually I talk about Love, this time Love has failed me. I speak about life and about journeys… and about failure. In life there is no training manual. None of us really know what we are supposed to be doing here. But we can somehow make the journey at least worthwhile. And maybe the one thing that can get in our way of living life to the fullest, is our own selves. Maybe sometimes we need to determine which of our emotions lead us to a path of greater good and which lead us to greater harm. … and just maybe we actually need to leave some emotions behind.

Sometimes its not about love, I tell her. Sometimes, it is about what is ‘right’. I recollect stories of when I have failed Love and when Love has failed me. When I have done wrong to those I have loved and when those that have loved me, have done me wrong.

She asks me if I have ever cheated on someone I loved. I say ‘yes’. She asks if I have ever hit someone I loved. I say ’sort-of’. She tells me that her ‘love’ was the first guy who had ever hit her.

I tell her that maybe he does love her and that maybe she loves him, but that sometimes you have to put all that aside and still do what is best. That maybe sacrificing Love is a greater sacrifice. (Maybe it would be good for him too.) I try to convince her that she has a great life and a greater one ahead if she can navigate through the swamp of thoughts and emotions that we all live in.

I vow not to walk her all the way to the 7-11, as a way of sacrificing my own love. I stop short seconds before the 7-11 and turn towards her. I wrap my arms around her and then let go. Walking back, emotions of sadness and anger grip me. I cry and scream at the same time. Hold my head and grip my fists at the same time.

“Love fails only when we fail to love” - J. Franklin.

In true Be the Cause “fashion” I am late. Who wouldn’t take 3 weeks to recover from a massive Mexican fiesta? I ask you, pray tell.

Again, I am humbled, astonished, grateful for all the support this project has gotten. As some of you may know, we had a pretty ambitious agenda for the Easter luncheon: transport about 20 lbs. of ingredients and equipment to Carson and back, make tamales, rice, beans, cheesy pies, 2 kinds of cookies, goodie bags filled with socks and inspirational messages, decorate 7 tables, coordinate a small village of volunteers, figure out how to use industrial kitchen equipment, have a go at new recipes and untried methods, apologize, then suck it up and hope that the food turned out OK and doesn’t make everyone sick. So maybe the last part is just my paranoia speaking.

Looking at this list, I’m thinking of how Supun and his family let a bunch of BTC bandits take over their kitchen and dining room and trash it for at least 4 hours after their cleaning lady had just left. I’m thinking of Shaheda, making her annual appearance (I’m teasing) and Joyce, symmetrically spreading masa on corn husks wiped dry by a gal named Pam, who just saw the project posting on the BTC website and decided to drive out from the OC that morning. Christine rolling out cookies and Sukh wanting to contaminate my bag of powdered sugar in an effort to make the process a little more efficient, as always. Also Bharti, who despite being a vegetarian, rolled those chicken tamales like a pro…..all the while speaking of my inability to wield a hammer and how I need an Italian husband. And Supun and his mom, who together finished off the tamale goodness by tying neat little bows around them.

And this was just on Saturday.

Sunday was met by another group of volunteers, my coworker/friend and her church buddies, who decorated the entire dining area, brought the bags of goodies and distributed all kinds of candy GALORE. They prepped the other half of the meal and served.

It’s hard for me to express the gratitude I feel for the love, support and energy everyone poured into that one meal. Ironically, on that one day we got the least amount of ladies since we started serving lunch: 36. When the food was served, it wasn’t as loud as usual. In fact, it was almost silent. I’m still not sure how to interpret that, but I suppose it’s more comforting personally to think that it’s because they were hungry and the food was pretty good. How could it not have been? We did a good job!

Before we left, of course we gathered in a circle to reflect on the service. One volunteer reminded me of how Easter is a time of renewal, and for many of the Ladies, the Center is their source for starting over again — not just in the sense that it provides lots of social resources, but the community we all find there I think is the most important part. In some way, it seems like everyone who showed up that weekend at Supun’s and the Center were there to feed and be fed, to seek nourishment along that long and labored journey we’re all taking.

I’m hoping that any of y’all who’s been to the DWC or wants to go will post your take on it too!

Please :)